Back in Sunny L.A. — it's like summer here. My trees are blooming, the bikini girls are back on the beach, the Divine Redhead dragged me out dancing for the first time in — ever. Life is good.

So I thought I'd take a deep breath here and get back to basics.

And by that I mean, how can you better communicate with women so that –

1: they can feel the man you really are, the best parts of you, the "gift" of you, and

2: they will be touched, intrigued and attracted to you before you even meet.

One of our guys just wrote to me from Calgary and asked for some comments, so I thought I'd share my response with you, too.

The learning never ends.

Here's his letter to me –

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Hi Grant,

I met you at Ross Jeffries' SS conference in LA, don't know if you remember. Well I have just moved to a new city I had never tried internet dating and thought it would be the perfect opportunity.

I just got your program and haven't stopped listening to it. It's amazing! I've been working through the pre-game workout, doing all the exercises along the way. I was in a great state, writing the first draft of my profile and I just had to stop and write you. I'm sure when I go through it I'll find all sorts of improvements I can make but it felt so good to be writing it, I thought I would share…

Your comments are welcomed and appreciated.

thanks again,

F

HIS PROFILE:

I believe in positivity… being and surrounding yourself with it. I recently relocated from across the continent and left a very successful career… for a completely new, different, exciting and even more promising one here in Calgary. Complacency can feel comfortable but is ultimately growth limiting… "Don't let your special character and values, the secret that you know and no one else does, the truth - don't let that get swallowed up by the great chewing complacency" - Aesop. And in the process I had the opportunity to help my brother move forward in his life as well. Moving to Calgary from the only place he's ever lived, starting his own business. I've never seen him happier. Sometimes the look in his eyes almost brings a tear to mine… fortunately I haven't cried since I was like 3.

I love to get together with my friends and few things bring me more joy than evening recreating our travels in the kitchen… always delicious. Then slipping into a comfortable chair, dimming the lights and savoring a sweat yet sultry brachetto d'aqui while sharing laughs and stimulating conversation.

F

**

GRANT'S RESPONSE

Ok, it's a start.

But let's clean it up — a LOT.

1. "I believe in positivity."

FOUL! That is a statement. That is heady. That is thinking. Where is feeling? Rather than SAY that you believe in positivity, show it. Tell a story, not about yourself — that's boasting — but about someone you admire demonstrating positivity in the face of challenge. Say you admire that and you bring that same vibe to the party. Remember high school English class? Good writing starts with SHOW, don't tell. That means, give trenchant, emotional, sensually rich details so she can FEEL the point you're making rather than read a dry statement of your beliefs. That said, this may not be the best way to open, anyway — unless it's a great story. The first words should DRAW the attention in.

2. Why did you cross the continent?

Again, you TELL that it was for a better opportunity. It's good that you left a good job, and important to communicate that you are financially stable, but express the FEELING of what it's like to head out west. What drew you to Calgary. What about the landscape? The people? The culture, such as it is?
Remember: every compliment you give to Calgary and its people is an IMPLICIT compliment to your reader. If you talk about healthy, outdoorsy, friendly people, she will see herself in your words. If you talk about how you are drawn by the hard-drinking, bronco-busting, Harley-riding cowboy life, you might lasso yourself a cowgirl that fits that bill. Create a picture of what you value and your high hopes for Calgary and your Calgarina will step into the picture.

3. Aesop. Excuse me, but WTF?

Instead of a long, difficult quote, say something personal about watching good friends settle for complacency and how they've lost life force in some way. Then if you're going to talk about your attitude by contrast, give some real detail about your brother. What WAS his situation? Describe it in a few grim details. Then talk about the change you helped him make and what his life is like now. Show your LOVE of your brother and let the reader see how you are good man, a good brother and how you derive joy from helping others (without STATING it baldly).
What does he look like in his biz? i.e.: "When I drive past his café and I see him greeting customers or standing behind that counter in that goofy chefs hat, smiling, I feel like the Lone Ranger, ready to ride on to the next town and set things right." Or "When I drive past that street corner and see my brother slinging crack to those playground kids, I feel like it was me who was liberated from that 9-5 job at that Save the Children Office, rather than him."
Whatever you want to say, create a PICTURE of your happy brother. Let the reader have a vivid picture, let her feel the victory rather than just saying it. You have the right idea about the emotional impact on you, but I would lay off
the tears, this early in the game.

4. Hanging with your friends. First of all, I'm sure the wine doesn't taste like "sweat" so check your spelling, unless that's a misguided Speed Seduction technique (I don't think that's in Ross's playbook!). I like the idea of friends re-creating travels - again - throw in details - it gives her a chance to feel what kind of guy you are - luxury? Camping? Adventure? But then if you've got a bunch of friends over, slipping into a chair sounds like you're about to launch an orgy. So talk about how you all settle into the living room, make a fire, laugh and tell stories.
Hell, intrigue her with teases about some of your best stories and best travels. About the time you had to pull your sister out of a mud hole. About how you and your Dad climbed Kilimanjaro. About visiting your hee-haw cousins back in Missouri with the outhouse and the gin mill and the whole These Hills Have Eyes ambiance. Whatever is colorful or interesting. Just lit